Platform Ticket

Time has changed a lot since that time. Me being me, has started faking how I have grown up in past few years but the reality is, I’m still the same kid who is imprisioned in an adult body.

 I am the same boy who looks up to the girl and wants to say, “ Dekh na re Kitni acchi ladki ja rahi hai.” Bas koi saath nahi hai sun ne ko." I still remember that day how much I had thought about her.  One second……. let me explain.

 It was 12 in the night. Me and my friend were sitting in the railway lounge. Yes we took the platform ticket( we had to buy in big cities). Beside us, a family was sitting on the ground and we were playing with the cute member of that family who also found a momentary friendship in us. He was laughing very hard after seeing our boomerang in the phone. The time was quietly passing.
                  Then came a girl.
  She was carrying a red-coloured trolley with her. She came and sat on the chair next to us. Everything i noticed(checked out) informed me that she was returning back to the college after the vacation, I guess. Khair, we both got distracted by her in our own mind. As a result, the kid who was playing with us earlier lost all the attention we were giving to him. Shubham, my friend said, "Dekh na re kitni hot ladki baithi hui hai bagal me."   I bluffed saying 'so what.' But my mind was still checking her out.

I wanted to see her face for further procedure. That's how boys approach girls in most of the cases. I got a plan. I told my friend that I would be back in 5 minutes after buying water bottle and snacks. But, the only reason for me to go was to see her face while returning back to my seat, as I didn't want to make her feel as if someone was staring at her like a creep. I saw her for the very first time. And guess what she was too cute for that midnight moment. I sat back with my snacks and confused water bottle.

 Yes I think non-living bodies can also get confused on the basis of their serving purpose or their use.

Now me and my friend, both were trying not to talk about her or even look at her just to hide our infatuation towards a random girl in the midnight, somewhere among 200  people that too filled with south Indians. And I don't hate South Indians.

Even now, neither me, nor my friend has forgotten those 3 hours of my untold interaction with her. Me helping her to feel safe in that midnight and carrying her luggage to cross the over bridge, had made me feel, “ Something can be created here.” But that was also the reason why I was feeling a bit of 90's bollywood hero: strong and caring. I am a lean boy by the way. My friend knew that I was totally into her awe during and after those moments. Oh! How silly I was.

Leaving these moments aside, finally I reached my Mecca, The famous Chennai Central Railway Station. I parked the car and taking the bouquet, I headed towards the waiting lounge and as earlier informed by Gaurav, I didn't buy the platform ticket.

            
Holding my body with a hollow belief of not getting nostalgic or looking weak, I threw my net in the mud of people to find my fish. In that net, all male jeev jantu got treated as frog, and is there any fisherman who cares about the frogs? Of course not. So, skimming the crowd, I saw her.

 The whole body started pumping along with the heart, and with the same rate. As per the mind, i took out the phone to check my face, hairstyles, eyebrows, eyelids, and everything, in the front camera of my phone but kept moving towards her, looking too much involved in my phone pretending to be a busy man.

This is what everyone does nowadays.

Hey Rishank, she shouted.

I was still trying to look calm and pretended that I didn’t notice.

Rishaaaank……, she shouted again.

I looked up and here she was, just ten feet away from me but millions from my heart. She was looking even more beautiful than when I had seen her from the entrance of the lounge. She was wearing red t-shirt, white jeans and a couple of bands in the hand keeping the style quotient way ahead of me. And I was in as usual my t-shirt and jeans looking like a chomu. By God, I couldn't hold my fake calmness for even one more second. I just breathed out the confidence of my deep breathe.

Hi, she said.

Hello.... kaisi ho tum, I greeted back with full warmth.

Mast, she replied.

Tum kaise ho? she asked.

What could I tell her, how I was but I replied, "Main achcha hoon."

Chalein baahar? i suggested.

"No way I have paid for the platform ticket and I don't waste money and time, you know," she said glancing at her watch. 

"No I don't," i said taking a deep breathe.

"What?"

"Nothing."

She insisted to sit in the lounge and I had to agree.

Just a few moments later I was at the peak of nostalgia and awkwardness mixed together at the same time but thank God, she broke the ice first.

"What is this? Have you got your ears pierced?" She asked, keeping her eyes wide open and raising the eyebrows.

"Yeah I had to do it. I mean I decided to do it few months back, in the name of someone," I replied.

"Okayy, your wish," she said pressing her lower lip.

"who? a girl," she asked eventually.

"No, just a friend," i replied.

Oh! you should have got a tattoo for him or her then.

No….. she was not that close but ya ...the sentence couldn't complete.

"Sheeee....oho...she," she taunted.

I blushed and could only say, "we’re just friends, you know."

No I don’t, she replied turning to me.

Leave it, she said casually.

 "Do you want something/ to eat?" i asked vomiting my fake gesture.

No her chirpy sound came instantly after mine.

 Snacks or water.... anything?

Okay, she said, her voice lowering down a little.
            

Telling her to remain seated, i went and bought water and snacks for us. While I was returning back, I glanced at her and experienced the exact same turbulence when I had seen her for the very first time. She was the same cute girl with even more bright face, this time, may be because of the makeup she had, but ohh... This time, she was looking as elegant as a, what they say, Apsara could look. She was looking at her phone.  Long hair- wide and open, not so black and the same continuous twirling of the hairs, but the girl had changed a bit for sure.  I stopped my super slow motion walk and tried to hide these emotions so I just went and sat on the chair next to her and gave the packet of snacks.

We finished the snacks talking: how’s life going, her perception towards me last time and many more meaningless portion of our lives.

"So, did those precious platform tickets expired? I mean... should we go now? chalein ab?"

"Where?" she asked

"Restaurant," i suggested. "Let's eat."

Nahi yaar........ Khana nahi khana.... "Why does everyone ask to eat," she said emphasizing on ‘everyone.’

 Who else asked you to eat, I taunted her.

"No one," she said in the way she got the taunt.... "in general, I mean."

"Don't you find it cliche and boring?" Everyone offers to eat. "No one says let's kiss, in general, I mean," she replied giving me a sudden hichki.

"Hahah...i chuckled, pressing the bottle with the thumb. Okay."

"So what do you want? I mean what do you want to do?" i asked turning to her.

Nothing let’s just sit na..... She said.

                          The chiId in her was still alive and it melted me so easily.

"Okay, so you want to buy another platform ticket," i asked looking for an answer.

"No, let's sit outside this mess," she said standing up to the chair leaving the half filled bottle still lying confused there.

where?

Anywhere.

Let's go and sit in the car.

Yupp, That's better.

Taking the half filled bottle, we went inside the parking area, after saying, "No, we don't have to go anywhere multiple times to the local auto drivers in the roadside.

We both sat inside the car and decided to remain seated in the purest possible silence on my insistence.

So why did you think of meeting me?

"Bas yunhi...just wanted to talk to you. I had seen the messages you left on the facebook and I was impressed. Also, tomorrow is the convocation ceremony of my sister in her college. So I thought of giving it a try," she replied looking amused.

"If it was that much impressive, why did you leave me then?"

She ignored and childishly turned on the music player.

                   “Aye Hairate Aashiqui......" started playing.

Ye sab kya sunte rehte ho...?

Bas yun hi. i like this song. Don't you?

"No I don’t like sad songs.. Why should we hear those cringy  “Tu bewafa hai” kind of songs," she replied in angst.

"Jise gham ho wo kya sune? Begum akhtar hi toh hai jo akela hone ki aag mein aasu daalti hai." i replied quietly.

Who is she?

Koi nahi, singer thi ek.

"Where is the one who is your just friends? Where is she?" she asked casually.

Nowhere, i replied taking a deep breathe.

Tell me naa.

Chhodo na. Tum bhi kya....?

"Are bolo na, who's she and where is she ? Tell me," she asked.

Arre yaar.

Bol na...

"Tu....Tu hi hai. haan bas. Baat khatam," I don’t know how I vomited this?

"Fuckkkk……Arre yaar," she replied in the way that she was in the first stage of getting shock.

"Abhi tak wahi baat?" Didn't you move on?

Move on ? Are you crazy? Me? And do you think I would move on from you..you.

I am still over you and you will never understand that. Never. You left this city but I couldn’t. You made me feel very, very small even then. You were the one who betrayed me not in the way others do. There, I was the one who bled the tears not in the way you ever did.

We both reached at standby mode then. I had my head down in the innocence, a boy carries when he breaks his own castle of sand unintentionally. I saw her. She was inclined against the glass pan and was just looking straight into my eyes.

We both sat in the silence for few minutes. Again she was the one who broke the ice, this time by turning on the music.

                                 "Tere bina chaand ka sona khota re

                                  Peeli peeli dhool udaawe jhootha re

                                  Tere bina sona peetal

                                  Tere sang keekar peepal

                                  Aaja kate na...ratiya"

                   

These lines of Gulzar Sahab where enough to penetrate my skin forcing the skin to turn that into goosebumps.

She lowered  the volume of the song and we both were looking at each other, me tapping my Adams Apple. That's how I contemplate.

Phir?

"Phir kya ?" I was waiting, waiting and died waiting for you in your world. I created my own bubble of sadness and no one ever discovered about that but I still live in that.

Phir?

I started to focus on my career. I had shut my door after months and months of waiting and see, you knocked it now. See, I am just this much hollow.

Ohh God..... I am so sorry. Okay, tell me, how can I make up for this?

                       At least a kiss! I thought as my heart pumped.

No, you don't need to do anything for me. I am happy, very happy.

No you are not. You have become full modern Majnu. You listen to Ghalib, Begum Akhtar….. all these shit which make you more and more Romeo and Majnu.

Oh..Stop. You will never know how much pain I had, to let you go.

           I said, "I love you."

           You said, "you don't."

           I requested.

          You ignored.

It is all okay on your behalf that if you don’t love me, or anyone else. It's okay. But what should I do? What should he do? Should he die?

"Noooooo....when did i say that," she replied feeling guilty.

You don't know but it was very hard to lose you. Believe me or not, but I have been waking up disappointed for more than half a year.  I wish we had kissed that night and I would have never written those chunk of countless poems filled with nothing but sadness. It’s all upon you, whether you want to erase those poems or not.

Suddenly I felt that I had spoken more than enough of enough. I started looking outside the window and everything was looking like a part of a still photograph. I guess, the world had stopped for me. I moved my eyes towards her. The same ‘Tere bina’ song was playing in the loop. I was biting the nails with the other and i got a feeling  that she might kiss me. Her eyes were speaking the same.

Listen?                                                                                         

Whatt? I asked like a frustrated magician.

Anything else? She asked.

Haan, yes. Do you remember the last time we met. The temperature of the AC in that restaurant was very low on that day. I was feeling very cold then, yet I didn’t utter a single word that time. Just for you. And, and…I fumbled. You hadn’t even paid you bill. I had to pay for that. Wo kaun pay karega? One hundred and seventy fiiiiii......

Before I could finish, she leaned over me and rewarded me with a peck on my cheek. I looked into her eyes and planted a deep kiss at her lips. My eyes were closed and just the lips were moving. Me, the kid was getting the compensation of all the disasters and was finally getting pulled away from Ghaalib and Gulzar.

Moving my hand into her clothes and feeling her outer beauty, I started pulling up her t-shirt irrespective of the kind of place we were doing that.

Before we could proceed further to undress each other and increase the intimacy to the utmost level, the headlight of other parked vehicle fell on our wind screen and  suddenly made us completely aware of the moment. I just left her in the way as if i was not involved in this. We adjusted ourselves to cope with that awkward moment. I saw her. Her monochromatic and anxious face was the same when someone gets stabbed in the all those sad Shaayari of Gulzar and Ghaalib. She brought out her phone and started to tap it continuously. And me, instead of giving her a hug to make her feel strong, i left and came out of the car. I took out the cigarette from my pocket and finished it very fast.
While returning back to the car, i realized that me, not helping her to adjust her dress during the chaos in the car, was the one and enough reason for me; why she should not choose a guy like me.
Not hugging her was the other one. "Tu Hai hi Chor," the inner me slapped me too.

I went and sat comfortably on the driving seat thinking how to get myself removed from her upcoming possible life with me. She had closed her eyes, not in the guilt for sure. Me and the platform ticket was still lying with the confused water bottle near the steering of the car.