Banaras: My Happy Place

 May 2023: 

                " Bolo Siyapati Ramchandra ki jai 

                      Pawansut Hanumaan ki jai! "

Chanting this with the peak of our vocal strength, me and my friends left the BHU campus. The three-days trip to Banaras had finally come to an end and each of us was leaving Banaras with his own share of catharsis which this city has been offering since the eternity. Our car, now was crawling on the main road. I looked into the mirror of the car and I saw Banaras going backwards. It was looking as if the bright ~ lighted Banaras was pushing us out after pumping the guts to live the life ahead. 

This was my second visit to Banaras within just two months. I know, two months-time doesn't really show my infatuation towards this city. I know this too that there are a lot of madmen who come here twice a week but for me, nothing in this substantial world deserves to be repeated. Not even the best relationship. But, Banaras had emerged as an exception and reason for this is: my first trip.

March 2023: 

My first visit to Banaras was a result of my indecisive nature. Nitish, a piece of my heart since college days was coming to Patna and after that he had to leave for Banaras. He had asked me if I would go to Banaras with him.

See, the last time I had met him was 2021 so I was more than happy to see him again, but the idea of going to Banaras was not cool for me. I wasn't ready. So, I decided that I would just meet him in Patna and would say sorry. He would understand. That's it. Okay! Hours later, I reached Patna, met my boy and my mind changed. Just like the time  I was doing engineering or just like the time I was writing a novel. Within an hour or two, I was on the train to Banaras.

We reached Banaras at eleven in the night and I won't tell you what happened during the next thirty hours but after that chaos, we were finally on the ghaat; the very famous Assi Ghat. The dawn was just turning into serene morning. A new world with enigmatic visuals was kept in front of me so I looked all around to absorb everything in one go. But that's not how it works. It works slowly. Like the first shower of the summer. I just surrendered myself to the holy Ganga, the ghaats and the vibe and the detox of my mind had started  subconsciously.

Till noon, we had travelled Banaras just like the other million visitors. We walked miles on the ghaats, took a boat-ride, offered prayers inside the Kaashi Vishwanath and in between those moments, we clicked pictures. Man, I loved getting myself photographed there. Over those months of my severe hair fall, I had stopped seeing myself through the camera. I had become a ...... leave it.

In the evening, we had a host & dost with whom we visited the Vishwanath temple in the BHU. Not to forget, she had been guiding us all the way since the time we had reached Banaras and all thanks to her, we were finding ourselves accepted by the city. Before we could be late, we rushed back to the ghaats to witness the majestic Ganga Aarti. Let me tell you a secret. Banaras is a chameleon. Yes! Banaras during the morning aarti is as different as Banaras during the evening aarti or to say, during the peak noon or at midnight. Banaras is life. It has colours. During the aarti, a moment came when it felt like, I was in trans. Now while I'm writing this, I find it funny but at that time, uff! I was gone. It's beyond my ability to articulate that moment in any form of expression that ever existed. 

Too many questions and doubts are striking my mind right now. Are we as lucky as the boats tied on the ghaats? May be not! Those wooden chicks get untied everyday, every morning but we struggle for a whole lifetime to untie our knots.

Cut to: Same Night

It was almost midnight and we had to leave. We were packing our bags and none of us was okay! I could understand my friend's reason but I don't know why, I was feeling vulnerable than ever and I could sense my heart breaking into pieces. I was experiencing nostalgia way before a moment is eligible to be called nostalgia. And only God knows why it happens with me all the time: " Kuchh Kuchh Hota Hai " was playing at a perfect distance and it couldn't have been sadder. It was all La La Land but without colours. Could this be any more metaphoric?(in Chandler's voice)

Half an hour later, we were into the train leading us back to Patna. Before going to my berth, i scanned myself in the mirror. I could see a film playing on it. 

A film where it's midnight and I'm roaming on the ghats of Banaras until I tire myself out but just when I reach the stairs of Kaashi Vishwanath temple, the smoke rising above Manikarnika rushes towards me and pierces my eyes. Tears roll out of my eyes and this time i don't hold back. Time and smoke passes like a ferry in Ganga. I fall asleep on the stairs but I find myself waking up on the Assi Ghaat just before the beginning of morning-aarti.

Finally, the realisation of the reality hits and the film playing on the mirror of the train ends. 

It ends with a promise to myself: This can't just be an imaginary movie and for sure, this won't be the last time I visit Banaras. But the real question arises: What would I do when I visit Banaras again? Would I roam the streets or would I just sit on the ghaats? I don't know. I really don't know, I would let "Maa Ganga" decide.